Happy Mother's Day in heaven dear mom,

It's been 21 years since you left this earth for your eternal home with God and the family in heaven but I never stop missing you as much as that graduation day. You were with us on that Mother's Day but it was a hard day for you being sick and knowing you were going to leave us soon. We gathered at home with you and sat at the dining room table together to eat, watching you try to eat one piece of food but you couldn't swallow it and broke into tears. Heartbreak doesn't take a holiday and that day was truly a heartbreak day for you and all of us kids and extended family that were there that day. 

You sat helplessly in your chair by the big picture window, looking outside as tears flowed down your cheeks. You had faced many hard trials in life but leaving your kids and family behind was the biggest one and earth shattering. Everything we had done for years as tradition was changing and the unknown of that all disappearing was very unsettling. As I sat at your side crying with you, holding your hand and hugging you with assurance you weren't alone, you grasped my hand tightly to say thanks. All the years of learning I had being with you and watching you face the ups and downs of life were now a tangible crimson red lesson in my mind. Even though you couldn't speak well at this point, the lessons of mom etched in my heart were echoing throughout my being. "God loves you and so do I...forgive others when they hurt you as they may have had a hard life...be good to others in their pain..pray for them and always follow the golden rule. 💔🖤

It was a mountain too high for me to climb at that point emotionally and I just clung to your side from that day May 20, 2003 to the day you peacefully left before the break of dawn on May 25, 2003. You woke from the coma the night before to whisper with eyes fixed upward, to tell of your glorious visit to heaven, the party there, the kind of music you liked, the people dancing, how beautiful it is and mustered great strength to say "you kids need to come there but not too soon!" I reluctantly whispered in your ear late at night  to let go and fly home to Jesus. Your two children in heaven that you never got to meet, were also waiting for you, dad and God. That we would be OK and I would be sure to let the others know about the party and to make sure they get their ticket there,  which is Jesus. You nodded and closed your eyes only to open them again in heaven at 5 am with the birds on earth singing outside in the dark and supernatural heavenly smells in her living room that only a couple family members could smell. God surely left his mark with us as His heavenly angels ushered you home. 

It's been a turbulent road on earth with many turns, mountains and joy but I've held close to my heart all that you showed and told me about love and forgiveness. I have the great and blessed hope of being with you again and that sustains me in every dark night of my life! You loved Jesus and clung tight to Him and God during your life and I so appreciate that you gave me that example. I'm so glad you're my mother forever! I wouldn't want any other mom, you are my mom and I love you so much! 

I will celebrate this mother's day with worship to God and Jesus, my first love and complete strength in every step of life. I will give thanks for the gift of my husband, bless him and the gifts of children God gave me, pray for them and continue to grow in His grace to be a wife and a nurturing mom to my children till I leave this earth. I can only hope that my legacy I leave will be love, just as yours is. Enjoy  the party dear mother and give everyone there my love! I miss you all so very much! xxxxxxxx

The Family Circle Now in Heaven

It's hard to believe that my last post here was in 2019....wow. It seems like the whole world turned upside down with the arrival of covid 19, it affected holidays, gatherings, workplaces, weddings, funerals, family events and life just changed drastically. In my own family as well, many have joined the family circle in heaven. Mom, are you watching occasionally from heaven?... I tend to think so. But, you're not worried or fretting over any of it as you live in paradise with Jesus and He makes everything ALRIGHT! 💜

  It started in my family with the sudden and unexpected death of my beloved brother, Rog, on a Saturday afternoon, January of 2020. Little did I know the large, transparent shadow of an angel standing briefly by my bedside that same morning, was a loving preparation for the shock. Also, the cell phone call sister Karen answered from Rog's number, no voice speaking, AFTER he was gone. We were also told that there was an excited outburst from Rog, "Oh honey!" right before he slumped to the floor. Was it God's beautiful creation, the frequent deer in the backyard that he marveled at, or did he see something else? We will find out someday but I hold steadfast to this truth... God is love. 💙

 We were told it was his heart and yes, he had a long history of blood clots but nothing medical proved that, so I guess his body just wore out. I'm so very glad we were allowed to spend our last family Christmas together before his graduation day to heaven.

We didn't get to prepare or say, "See you in the morning" but perhaps that's ok as he was very ready, didn't suffer in his passing, and he had talked often of his expectation of seeing Jesus! 

To gain balance and perspective, I choose to look through two windows. The earthly window showed that our family was grieving and sad; reeling from the shock of it. His deeply moving and honorable military funeral exemplified his many, faithful years in the Navy. The celestial window scene was our mother watching from heaven, and the absolute excitement and joy unspeakable of knowing her oldest son was coming home. Wow..🙌 I'm sure the first person He saw was his beloved savior, Jesus and Father God. But, oh how mom must have run to him with dad and other family members, to greet him! 

February 2020, brought us another surprise as my oldest sister, Lyn had a serious winter car accident that resulted in a broken neck, broken ribs and an arm and hand injury. It could have been much worse but she sensed YOU with her oh blessed Savior, and as the song goes "Jesus take the wheel" became her prayer, literally! He did and she felt a peace and supernatural intervention. Thankfully, her children and some grandchildren live close by, making it a blessing to recover with plenty of support. 

 Yes, it shook her up and she had a long, long arduous recovery. God never promised us a smooth ride, but did promise to never leave us, nor forsake us. Neck surgery is no picnic for an 83 year old, plus her sodium levels were vacillating which can be deadly, so I am so very thankful for God's grace and providence! 🙏🙌

 She is still with us, even after a 2021 heart stent procedure to give her tired heart a boost and more time on earth with us. She is a tough older, but beautiful bird, and says she wants to be here another 20 years, go Lyn! She loves the Lord as well and is watching over all of us and praying for each one of us, as the matriarch of the family, now. 

Our oldest patriarch of the family, beloved Art, Lyn's husband, had been struggling with various health issues for the past few years when all of this happened and he was shaken a lot himself, by the family trials. He fought hard in-spite of several close calls almost landing him in heaven, and continued to to try and regain some ability to function, to our amazement, as the hard working gardener, country loving, fisherman, hunter & lover of his family that he was. With Lyn recovering from her accident and his frequent hospital visits, life was quite the storm for a while in theirs and the rest of our family. 

In April of 2020, our beloved Art finally laid down his fishing pole, garden rake, gathering wood for the stove and many other passions of this life, to peacefully enter his flight to glory where I know he is now fishing with the Master fisherman! Art truly left a unique legacy that will follow his life forever. 🎣 On a beautiful spring day, his ashes were gently spread on the very ground he, as a young boy, planted every tree in. We will see you again, dear brother-in-law. I want some of your scrumptious, heavenly garden tomatoes when I get home! 🍅💚

The prayer wheel was turning and Father God was at work in many hearts during that time, which is now evident, as all of Art and Lyn's kids and several grandkids, serve the Lord or have since come to Jesus as their Savior.

More will come. Satan lost! 👏💓  Dad was adamant on his deathbed in 1984, that he had prophetically seen the family circle, tight in Jesus' love, and it is truly becoming a reality. 

We bonded even more after Art left and we started having outdoor picnics for holidays at Lyn's request, and in January 2021, we started a monthly family luncheon and prayer meeting.

We all love to eat and share each other's fav foods or the recipes our ancestors left with us, like "Grandma's Old Fashioned Chocolate Cake" 🥮 and that in itself triggers a cherished memory. 

It has been a warm, rich and memorable time of seeing that life is truly ALL about love and relationships. The family circle won't be broken, there's better home a waiting in the sky 

Lord, in the sky!🎶

After a brief pause and breather, we had yet another shock as my second to-the-oldest sister Sandi, left us suddenly and graduated to heaven in February 2021! She just went to sleep in her chair and gloriously went home to her long-time Savior and lover of her soul.💖 

She had shared her testimony with us at the previous family lunch & prayer meetings, of getting saved at a young age, her favorite scripture and her most earnest prayers for her children and grandchildren. Little did we know, we were making some final earth memories with her. 

Every moment we spend together with our loved ones, memories are being made and we don't know what tomorrow holds, so I've learned to hold today as very precious and close to my heart. I don't want regrets that my pride kept me from sharing my heart, as this may be my last day on earth. Life here is a brief vapor.💙

She is another legacy, as she had lived her life centered around her Lord since her teen years and I, along with many others, are the product of her faithful witness. She had taken me to church many, many times in my younger days and the impact had a lasting effect on me. We had so many times of talking about God and especially shared the love of the Gaither Homecoming music. She could hardly wait for Jesus to come, and is now living with Him, mom & dad, other family and friends she so missed! See you in the morning sis! Won't it be wonderful there?! 🙌💞🎵🎵

The month of October 2021, brings our family yet another massive shock, the sudden departure of Sandi's daughter, Jodi and a young age of 52. We have not heard the autopsy report but it is medically speculated that it was her heart. 

We all felt quite broadsided and still do, especially her husband, adult children, one that found her and the rest of our family. I am no doubt, "funeraled" out but we press through it, together, knowing that God is faithful, and the reality that life can be tough with many trials"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." God is love and this life is just a brief moment in the light of eternity.🙌💜

The three sisters had just spent their annual time at a northern cabin together, adjusting to the fact, it was their first time without mom. They also had a weekly bible study together, which is the fruit of mom's seed of faith. 💞

Jodi loved the Lord and lived her life just as that. I'm sure her mother was overjoyed from heaven, awaiting her arrival, as she already has a brother there who left after his birth into this world. She no doubt is geeked to be there with Jesus, God and family, but those of us on earth are human and naturally feeling this earthquake. We press on and know that each time our heart breaks, God has given His spirit of comfort and wraps His blanket of love around us and reminds us of the blessed hope for tomorrow. 

This is my memoir & how I process my thoughts of pain, my grief, my joy, my journey and move forward. See you in the morning, sweetie! 🤗😘

Christmas Long Ago Memories

Mother's Day 2019 Memories and Tunes

Dear mother, it's been 16 long years since you left this earth for your eternal home in heaven with Jesus and all the saved family from eons back in time, plus the ones that have now also graduated to heaven. I miss you fiercely, but I won't feel too sorry for me as you are happy and I know the "living" you, is not in my past but you are in my future! You're more alive now than ever.

You must be enjoying every moment and waiting dearly & patiently for us kids to arrive. But, I remember you telling us, "not too soon." 💜 So, we do our best to occupy our time here, enjoying the love and relationships that Father God designed us earthlings to have. I know you're not an angel as the Bible doesn't teach that. I do l know you are still you as the Bible clearly says, but you are young and happy, no more suffering, sickness or sadness of all the trials you suffered in this world. 

What a joy unspeakable to finally be with Father and Jesus! Of course, you won't look old anymore, but you'll be young and still look like you, thankfully! 

And I bet you're still dancing cause you sure did it enough in your early life, and you talked about the dancing in heaven with a smile on your face, on your deathbed. 😊

Mom and I Christmas 2012, doing the hokey pokey with
the kids. You left us in 2003, after playing a winning
round of tiddlywinks. 💘

There are days I can just feel you checking in on me for a moment from your heavenly home, and it feels so very secure but I know you are not grieving my absence as there is no sadness in heaven. Plus, you know I love Jesus and will come there in God's time, never to be apart again. 

I think often of how you are immensely enjoying a literal, indescribable paradise with all of the family and animals there in heaven. That truth helps me to focus more on my family and life here as it is precious and goes by so fast, as you well know. 

  You always taught me the golden rule and now you are talking with and hugging our Lord Himself!

ALL TO MYSELF I find the way 

Back to each golden yesterday, 

Faring in fancy until I stand 

Clasping your ready, friendly hand; 

The picture seems half true, half dream, 

And I keep its color and its gleam 

All to myself. 

All to myself I hum again 

Fragments of some old-time refrain, 

Something that comes at fancy's choice, 

And I hear the cadence of your voice: 

Sometimes 'tis dim, sometimes 'tis clear, 

But I keep the music that I hear 

All to myself. 

All to myself I hold and know 

All of the days of long ago— 

Wonderful days when you and I 

Owned all the sunshine in the sky: 

The days come back as the old days will, 

And I keep their tingle and their thrill 

All to myself. 

All to myself! My friend, do you 

Count all the memories softly, too? 

Summer and Autumn, Winter, Spring, 

The hopes we cherish, and everything? 

They course my veins as a draft divine, 

And I keep them wholly, solely mine— 

All to myself. 

All to myself I think of you, 

Think of the things we used to do, 

Think of the things we used to say, 

Think of each happy, bygone day; 

Sometimes I sigh and sometimes I smile, 

But I keep each olden, golden while 

All to myself. 

"You are my sunshine"